Alice's Adventures in Wonderland Take Two - or The Trial of Alice
Insolent, conceited, insensitive, stupid, cruel, dishonest .... surely not the Alice that Lewis Carroll gave us?
Read on to find out how false fiction can be in another alternative take on one of our best loved classics.
Cast of 30.
Duration: Longer version around 20 - 25 minutes; Shorter version around 15 – 20 minutes. There are two versions offered - the first one has a 10 minute opening scene which has been cut back to 5 minutes in Version II. There are also music suggestions to extend the performing time.
Alice: Now look! There’s been some terrible mistake! I’m here to be queen, not prisoner!
(Whole court erupts in laughter)
Queen: (Holding her sides) Oh dear! This really is turning out to be the funniest day of my life!
King: Totally priceless, my dear!
Alice: (Sobbing) No! No! This can’t be happening. White Rabbit will tell you it as it is!
(White Rabbit just shrugs his shoulders)
Alice: Oh no! This has got to be a bad dream I’ll wake up from in a minute!
(Alice pinches herself and then cries even more)
(Mouse, Duck and Dodo stand up)
Mouse: Oh oh! She’s making one of those lakes again!
Duck: That’s how she caught us out last time!
Dodo: Playing the innocent!
Mouse: And then scaring me to death with stories of that cat!
Alice: You mean, Dinah?
(Mouse starts screaming; other two get him to sit down)
Duck: (To King) You see what I mean?
Dodo: Ah! She’s not going to get away with it a second time!
(King gestures for both to sit down)
Alice: Get away with what?
Queen: (To King) Does it matter? Off with her head!
Alice: I was wondering when you were going to get round to saying that!
King: Oh! The cheek!
(To jurors) Please note. Offence Number one – Threatening Behaviour
Alice: But I
King: Offence Number Two – Interrupting
Alice: But that’s not fair!
King: Offence Number Three – Whingeing and complaining
Alice: Hey, wait a minute
King: Offence Number Four – Speaking out of turn
(Alice is about to say something else but White Rabbit rushes over and puts his paw over her mouth)
Queen: (To White Rabbit) Thank you! She really doesn’t know when to shut up, does she?
King: No my dear! Not at all like you!
Queen: Not at all!
Alice: Huh! That’s a joke!
Queen: (Screaming) Off with her head! Off with her head!
(King ‘calms her down’ before addressing jurors again, both scribbling away trying to keep up)
King: Make that Offence Number Five – Being Insolent and Rude and
Juror 1: Please slow down a bit.
Juror 2: We’re not used to as many offences as this!
(Blue Caterpillar ‘stands up’, puffing on hookah)
Blue Caterpillar: Did someone say ‘slow down’? An excellent suggestion!
Alice: Oh no! I really want to get out of here as quickly as possible.
Blue Caterpillar: (In slow drawly voice) Hmm. Something tells me you’re going nowhere fast!