Assembly on England - in celebration of St. George's Day
What on earth could the queen of England, our narrator alias Beefeater/guard of the Tower of London and the Artful Dodger have in common? Read on to find out what 'Twist' turns the Artful Dodger into Sir Artful Dodger!
Cast size: 25 but easily adjusted up or down (as explained in Production Notes)
Duration: Around 20 minutes (depending on how much music is used)
The focus of this play is London. Time constraints (i.e. length of performance) meant just touching on England's history - events and people. This 'shortfall' has been addressed in the collection of guided reading scripts that are available off TpT and www.plays-r-ussell.com along with a set of class plays Sue Russell has written on different countries - England, Scotland, Wales, Great Britain, Holland, Australia, France, Spain, Malta, India, Africa
Sample Text
(Enter Sir Winston Churchill, smoking a pipe)
Narrator: Ah, Sir Winston Churchill! Thank goodness. You pulled us through that Second World War - can you help me deal with this group of .. of ... super-women?
Sir Winston Churchill: What? This lot? Leave it to me!
Music 5 Who Do you Think You Are - Spice Girls
(Spice Girls sing and make threatening gestures toward Sir Winston Churchill, who cowers and runs off stage)
Narrator: (Aside) Hmm. Time for a different kind of ‘Help!" (Turning to Spice Girls) Hey girls, here come the Beatles!
Spice Girls: (Together) Beetles? Did someone say, beetles?
(All Spice Girls scream and run off stage)
Music 6 Help - Beatles
(Beatles stride on, singing Help!)
Narrator: OK! That's probably as much help as I need! Thank you, boys!
Beatles: (Together) No probs!
(Exit Beatles)
Narrator: So. Enough of this frivolity! Back to the serious stuff! Take my job at the Tower, for example
(Queen Elizabeth runs back onto stage, in state of total panic)
Narrator: Your Majesty! Whatever is the matter? Don't tell me you spilt your tea?
Queen Eliz: (Gasping) Haven't you heard?
Music 7 London Bridge is Falling Down
(Cast sings first verse)
Narrator: But that was around one thousand years ago, Your Majesty! It has been rebuilt several times since then!
Queen Eliz: No! No! It's not that I'm worried about!
Narrator: Oh no! Don't tell me the Thames Barrier has failed?
Queen Eliz: What? The world's largest movable flood barrier? Of course not!
Narrator: So. Has Buckingham Palace been burgled?
Music 8 They're Changing Guards At Buckingham Palace
(Cast sings first verse, as two guards in uniform march up and down)
Queen Eliz: What? With my fine guards to keep us safe? I don't think so!
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me St. Paul's Cathedral has burnt to the ground again?
Queen Eliz: (Sighing in exasperation) No. Our fire service has improved a little since that Great Fire of London!
Music 9 Time Pink Floyd (Chimes at beginning of track)
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me Big Ben has got the time wrong?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me the Houses of Parliament have got blown up?
Queen Eliz: No! It's nowhere near November 5th!
Music 10 Money Pink Floyd (Just opening excerpt)
Narrator: (Gasping) Don't tell me the Bank of England has run out of money?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that the Royal Opera House has run out of singers?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that the London Eye has stopped turning?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that Madame Tussauds has come to life?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that Doctor Who has lost his TARDIS?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Gasping) ....that Jamie Oliver has burnt ... a school dinner?
Queen Eliz: No!
Narrator: (Throwing hands up in frustration) So, what does that leave us with? Got it! Nelson has fallen off his column?
Queen Eliz: Of course not! Though Trafalgar Square certainly wouldn't miss a few flattened pigeons!
Narrator: (With irritation) I give up, then!