This sentence revision activity helps AP Lang students eliminate wordiness, redundancy, choppiness, and repetitive word choice for rhetorical analysis. One practice revises for a clearer body paragraph topic sentence, two more for a richer and more concise blend of textual evidence and commentary, and one practice requires students to create a more concise thesis statement. All of the excerpt revisions are based on the 2003 AP Language prompt of Alfred M. Green's 1861 speech. Students do not h